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Melli O'Brien



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Cultivating True Self-Worth

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness.

Today I'm going to talk about how we can

cultivate true and lasting self-worth.

So I think for many of us, when we think

about where our sense of self esteem

or our sense of self-worth comes from,

we often think about external factors.

You know, whether this is

conscious or notm this is often

where our attention is aimed.

And so maybe we believe for instance,

that if we behave in certain

ways that we believe are good or

society believes is good, then

we can feel good about ourselves.

If we do not behave in that way,

then we feel bad about ourselves.

We feel unworthy.

But is our worthiness

really in our behavior?

And sometimes we look for our worthiness

by comparing ourselves to other people.

You know, if we believe that we're

less than them in some way, whether

it's less good looking, less

wealthy, less successful, then we

might feel unworthy or inadequate.

But is our worthiness really in how

we compare to other human beings.

Or you're, perhaps we can feel

good about ourselves as long

as other people approve of us.

So when we get their approval, when

we get their love, or when we get a

certain number of likes on Facebook,

then we allow ourselves to feel

good enough, worthy, okay as we are.

But if they don't like us, we fall apart.

But is our worthiness really truly

in what other people think of us?

So the reality is, is that all of these

different forms of trying to find our

sense of self-worth outside of ourselves

are both artificial and really unstable.

They leave you at the mercy of all these

external and ever-changing conditions.

And too often, we use these criteria

as our measure of self-worth.

And then we always end up falling

short, you know, feeling inadequate.

So one of the gifts of mindfulness is

that it helps us to very, very clearly

see that these external factors are

not true measures of our worthiness.

Mindfulness teaches us to let go of

looking outside of ourselves for that

feeling of worthiness and to find it

and cultivate it inside of ourselves.

So through mindfulness we develop

the capacity actually to accept

and love ourselves just as we

are without any conditions.

We don't base our self worth on what

other people think of us, how much

we weigh, whatever we're wearing

or what kind of car we drive.

We actually learned to gradually

soften and let go of worrying so much

about all of that and just learn to

befriend ourselves, flaws and all.

So through meditation, the ability

to feel true and lasting self-worth

naturally grows within us, but we

can cultivate it in daily life too.

So today try paying attention to your

feelings of self-worth throughout

the day, how they might fluctuate.

And be aware of the times when you're

judging yourself, comparing yourself

or feeling that you're not enough.

And each time you catch that, aach time

you get caught up in self judgment or

approval seeking, see if you can practice

self-acceptance and self-love instead.

Because in the words of John Kabat-Zinn,

"If you stop trying to make yourself

more than you are out of a fear that

you're less than you are, then whoever

you really are, will be a lot lighter,

happier, and easier to live with too."

So as always thank you for your

practice and your presence here with

us and inviting you now to just begin

to settle in for today's meditation.

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