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4 Keys to a Healthy Relationship

Cory Muscara



Cory Muscara



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4 Keys to a Healthy Relationship

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, welcome back to

your Daily Mindfulness.

In today's session, we're

going to talk about the four

keys to healthy relationships.

Now these four keys come from Dan.

Siegel's four S's of healthy attachment,

and healthy attachment is important

for all forms of relationships.

So I'll break these down for you.

There are four S's, and the

first one is a sense of safety.

Safety is important for all human beings.

Whether we realize it or not in

each moment where assessing for

ourselves, am I safe here right now?

And that can be assessed through

the shelter that we have around us.

If there's food available.

If there's a place for us

to go to the bathroom, even.

But also in our partnership,

in our relationship.

Do I feel okay to be myself?

Can the different aspects of

who I am be expressed here?

Or is there a fear that if I say something

or do something I'm going to be chastised?

So creating that sense of safety within a

relationship is absolutely foundational.

Next is a sense of security.

And this is our felt sense that the

love and the connection is stable.

That just because we might go

through highs and lows doesn't mean

that we're going to lose the love.

And you could think of this as a

child and all the different ways

that they learn who they need to be

in the world in order to be loved.

If they had the experience when

they were young, that, you know,

if they felt angry or sad or had a

tantrum, that love was taken away

from them, or they were punished.

They learn that those parts

of them aren't lovable.

And then it becomes a lifelong journey

of learning how to reintegrate those

parts that might feel certain emotions.

So the foundation of a healthy

attachment and healthy relationship

is feeling that the love is stable.

That who you are, even though it

might fluctuate and you might have

different emotions and you might have

different thoughts, and you might

sometimes say things that you don't

mean, that I'm still here for you.

And that's something we can

create for another person and

they can help create for us.

The third S is being seen.

The sense of who we are on the

deepest level is known by the other.

They give us our presence,

we give them our presence.

And we might not get this in all of our

relationships, but maybe in our more

intimate relationships, our partnerships

there really is a strong sense of being

seen that takes the relationship to

the next level and allows us to feel

secure and safe within the relationship.

And the fourth S is being soothed.

When we're going through something

difficult, are we able to feel like this

person can soothe us in some way, that

they can hold space for our emotions?

They can tell us that

it's going to be okay.

That we can go to them and know that

our experience is going to be held

and on the other side of it, we'll

feel a little bit more grounded.

So these are the four S's.

Safety, security, being

seen and being soothed.

Something you can explore in your own

relationships with your children and your

partnership, something that you can help

create and something others, something

other people can help create for you.

Hope it gives you

something to think about.

Thank you for your practice.

Let's settle in for today's meditation.

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