Become an Amazing Listener

Hi, and welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, I'm going to share a powerful listening strategy you can use when hearing good news from another person. Much of the time, when we think of effective communication, we tend to think about mitigating arguments or creating better understanding. There's usually more emphasis on taking care of what can go wrong and less emphasis on what can go right, which is what we're going to talk about here. Specifically when someone shares something that's important to them, how you can respond.

Now, believe it or not, there is research to show that if someone is sharing good news, there are four ways you can respond, but only one of those ways is positive and enhances the experience for the other person and deepens the connection. So I'll walk you through what those are. Let's imagine someone tells you they got a new job. There are four ways you can respond. Passive destructive, passive, constructive, active destructive, active constructive.

Let's look at what those are. In passive destructive, you might say. Huh? Okay. Well it's about time. I found a job a month ago.

Right? You're bringing them down, but in a passive sort of way. In passive constructive, you might say, Oh cool. That's nice, good job. You're building them up. But with not much energy.

In active destructive, you might say, yikes, a new job sounds intense. You can hardly take care of the dishes. Good luck with that. In active constructive though, you're meeting them at their enthusiasm. You're asking questions.

You go, wow. That's amazing. Congratulations. I know how much you've been looking for a new job. When does it start? What's it about? Are you excited? And so in that way, you're meeting them where they're at and helping them build the positive emotion.

It's only active constructive responding that helps them feel better, makes them want to share more news with you in the future and deepens the connection. So next time you hear good news from someone. See if you can meet them with active constructive responding. Thank you for your practice. And I'll talk to you in the meditation.

Take care.