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Choosing Discomfort Over Resentment

Melli O'Brien



Melli O'Brien



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Choosing Discomfort Over Resentment

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness.

Today I'm going to talk about the value

of choosing discomfort over resentment.

So resentment.

This is when we have ongoing upset

feelings, usually anger or annoyance

towards another person or people

because of a real, a misunderstood,

or perhaps an imagined injustice.

Now resentment might arise, for instance,

you know, after a careless comment that a

friend made, a criticism from a coworker,

or when we feel like someone's not

pulling their weight in the relationship,

or maybe they're not treating us the

way that we would like to be treated.

Sometimes when we experienced

resentment, we feel victimized.

But we might feel too angry, too

ashamed, or maybe too afraid of

conflict to discuss how we feel.

So instead, what often happens is that

we hold a grudge, we hold all these

anger inside of us and it festers.

We've all been there, right?

So Brené Brown is a person who's been a

real source of inspiration in my life.

But of all the things I've learned from

her, there's one quote, one invitation

that stands out to me the most and really

has a profound impact on my own life,

both personally and professionally.

And the quote is this, "Choose

discomfort over resentment."

What does that mean to choose

discomfort over resentment?

To me, it means that whenever we're

presented with a difficult situation

with someone, when we're feeling angry,

disappointed, or irritated with them,

we should choose, in those moments,

to engage in a clear, kind and honest

conversation about it and ask for

change if that's needed or appropriate.

Easy to say, but this

is often hard, right?

Like we often want to avoid this

because we know the conversation

could potentially cause conflict.

We know it's going to be

a little uncomfortable.

But the reality is that not

doing this will lead to bigger

resentments down the line.

So really the way I see it is

choosing discomfort over resentment,

to me, is an act of love.

Because it shows that I care about

this relationship enough to be honest,

iron out any issues so that I don't

hold resentment or harbor ill will.

Choosing discomfort over resentment

means setting boundaries, avoiding

people, people pleasing, being honest

and authentic about what's going on

for you, being really transparent.

It applies to all kinds

of situations, right?

And it might mean telling a family

member that something that they

said made you feel uncomfortable.

It might be letting your partner know

that actually it really bothers you

when they leave their clothes on the

floor or their dishes in the sink.

It might mean saying to your boss that

their requests are not reasonable.

You know, it's willing to, being

willing to speak up when you feel

your boundaries have been crossed,

you feel misunderstood or mistreated.

Just really letting the other

person know how you feel.

And these conversations can all be done

in a really caring and compassionate way.

So my invitation for you today is to

do a little check in with yourself and

see if there's any where in your life

where you're holding on to resentment.

And if it feels right to you finding

out how you can choose discomfort

over resentment as an act of love.

And, you know, as Brené Brown

says, "Compassionate people,

they ask for what they need.

They say no when they need to.

They say yes when they mean it.

And they're compassionate because their

boundaries keep them out of resentment."

So that's the invitation

for practice today.

And as always, thank you for your

practice and your presence here with us.

And now let's settle in

for today's meditation.

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