Don't Just "Be Nice"

Hi, welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to discuss communication, suppression, and being nice. So have you ever heard the phrase, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all? Well, while this is well intentioned, if more context is not given this, simple phrase can easily become a recipe for emotional suppression, poor communication skills, and projecting our anger onto others. It can cause us to believe that we should only communicate if we have something positive or nice to say. And if we're feeling angry or resentful that maybe we should just bite our tongue.

This though is not how deep relationships are formed, which can only happen by staying present through the messiness of the relationship, not trying to avoid the mess. So here's my suggestion. Instead of the original phrase, how about if you don't have anything nice to say, explore the underlying emotion and instead of blaming the other person for what you're experiencing, start by simply telling them what your feeling. This will help you stay in honest conversation rather than buoying the relationship with faux positivity. Thank you for your practice and let's settle in for today's meditation.