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How to Build Better Boundaries

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about the importance of setting healthy boundaries. So having healthy boundaries is essential to having healthy relationships. It involves knowing what your own needs and limits are, and being able to communicate that with others. So the word boundary can be a bit misleading because it sounds like you're building something of a wall, keeping you separate from others.

But that's not the case at all. Boundaries in the way I'm speaking of it here actually enhance authentic connection and they enrich relationships since they provide the way for you to let the people around you know honestly what you feel and what you need and what your values are. Now, this is really important because when we fail to set boundaries and then hold people accountable, when they cross them, we often end up feeling really used and mistreated. And the problem with that is that then we end up becoming really resentful. But what if instead, we could just simply and clearly and kindly communicate what's okay and what's not okay for us.

That's really what having healthy boundaries is all about. So, what I'd like to do today is I'd like to offer you three tips for having better boundaries so you can have happier, more harmonious relationships. So the first one is just know your limits. You can't set good boundaries if you're unsure where you stand. So I really want to encourage you to take some time to reflect and get clear on what truly feels right and healthy for you and what really doesn't.

Consider your values and what you can truly accept and genuinely feel okay with. And then what actually makes you feel really uncomfortable or stressed because those unpleasant feelings are actually really helpful signals that our boundaries might've been crossed. So two, stay in touch with your feelings and speak your needs. Sometimes as we say yes to other people, because we want to fit in or please them when it actually doesn't feel okay for us. So remember if you're feeling uncomfortable, if you're hesitating or something, inside is just feeling off, those feelings might be indicating that you'd rather say no than yes.

So give yourself permission to say no, even if it's awkward, even if it's uncomfortable and speak up for what you might be needing. Sometimes, and I know this is really helpful for me, it's really helpful to just take a pause in the conversation and take a breath before answering. And there's also an option to say, can I get back to you on this? I just need some more time to think. Three, heal resentments. Author and researcher, Brene Brown says that, you know, compassionate people ask for what they need.

They say no, when they need to. They say yes, only when they mean it. And they're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment. So when we say yes, when we'd rather say no, as we mentioned, we often get resentful. So it's really important to pay attention to that feeling of resentment, if it arises.

If your resentment towards someone is there, take stock of what you might not have spoken up about and what you might not be feeling good about and see if you can speak up to heal it. Remember that saying yes, only when you truly mean it is an act of kindness. So the invitation for today, practice setting healthy boundaries. And as always thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. Now let's settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.8

How to Build Better Boundaries

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Duration

Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today I'm going to talk about the importance of setting healthy boundaries. So having healthy boundaries is essential to having healthy relationships. It involves knowing what your own needs and limits are, and being able to communicate that with others. So the word boundary can be a bit misleading because it sounds like you're building something of a wall, keeping you separate from others.

But that's not the case at all. Boundaries in the way I'm speaking of it here actually enhance authentic connection and they enrich relationships since they provide the way for you to let the people around you know honestly what you feel and what you need and what your values are. Now, this is really important because when we fail to set boundaries and then hold people accountable, when they cross them, we often end up feeling really used and mistreated. And the problem with that is that then we end up becoming really resentful. But what if instead, we could just simply and clearly and kindly communicate what's okay and what's not okay for us.

That's really what having healthy boundaries is all about. So, what I'd like to do today is I'd like to offer you three tips for having better boundaries so you can have happier, more harmonious relationships. So the first one is just know your limits. You can't set good boundaries if you're unsure where you stand. So I really want to encourage you to take some time to reflect and get clear on what truly feels right and healthy for you and what really doesn't.

Consider your values and what you can truly accept and genuinely feel okay with. And then what actually makes you feel really uncomfortable or stressed because those unpleasant feelings are actually really helpful signals that our boundaries might've been crossed. So two, stay in touch with your feelings and speak your needs. Sometimes as we say yes to other people, because we want to fit in or please them when it actually doesn't feel okay for us. So remember if you're feeling uncomfortable, if you're hesitating or something, inside is just feeling off, those feelings might be indicating that you'd rather say no than yes.

So give yourself permission to say no, even if it's awkward, even if it's uncomfortable and speak up for what you might be needing. Sometimes, and I know this is really helpful for me, it's really helpful to just take a pause in the conversation and take a breath before answering. And there's also an option to say, can I get back to you on this? I just need some more time to think. Three, heal resentments. Author and researcher, Brene Brown says that, you know, compassionate people ask for what they need.

They say no, when they need to. They say yes, only when they mean it. And they're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment. So when we say yes, when we'd rather say no, as we mentioned, we often get resentful. So it's really important to pay attention to that feeling of resentment, if it arises.

If your resentment towards someone is there, take stock of what you might not have spoken up about and what you might not be feeling good about and see if you can speak up to heal it. Remember that saying yes, only when you truly mean it is an act of kindness. So the invitation for today, practice setting healthy boundaries. And as always thank you for your practice and your presence here with us. Now let's settle in for today's meditation.

Melli O'Brien

4.8

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