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How to Develop Patience

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hey, welcome back to

your Daily Mindfulness.

In today's session, we're going

to talk about developing patience.

Now, this is an interesting topic for

me to be discussing because patience

hasn't always come easily to me.

I've always been a bit impatient.

I tend to want things to happen fast.

I get excited about something

and move quickly into it.

And if I don't get results in

something quickly, I tend to drop

it and move on to the next thing.

It's something I'm working on.

But if I'm being honest, I do like the

part of me that is a little impatient.

It's served me in many ways and often

motivates a certain kind of action.

The discomfort of it creates an

impetus for change, which I value.

But there are many scenarios in life,

my own included, that require patience.

Tedious tasks that we're not going

to immediately figure out, raising

children and needing to understand

that they're going to mature and

evolve in their own way in their own

time, or even having long-term goals.

Any big thing that's worth creating

will have ups and downs and seldom

will there be immediate gratification.

So we have to be patient through the

whole journey to get anywhere significant.

So to start to understand how

to develop patience, let's first

look at what impatience is.

My working definition is that

it's a refusal or inability

to be in this moment as it is.

And the reason I say refusal and

inability is because it can be both.

There are some times when we just won't

stand for how the moment is and we're

autonomously saying no to something.

I think this is a healthy

form of impatience.

It could be in relationship to

systemic issues, world issues,

or even a toxic relationship.

There are other forms of

the refusal though, that are

less noble and more cranky.

And that's just, I don't

like how this moment is.

I want it to be different.

It's uncomfortable.

This is when our inner child usually comes

out and starts huffing and puffing because

we don't like how the moment is right now.

But then there's also the inability

to be with moments as they are.

That inability represents more

when our nervous system hasn't been

trained to be grounded, calm, and

at ease through a series of moments

where not used to, or don't like.

To put a computer metaphor

to it, it'd be like too much

data and not enough bandwidth.

And when this happens, we'll

reflectively turn away from the

moment, do something else or rush off.

So what's the solution?

Well, one strategy is to simply

be patient with impatience.

When you feel yourself in that impatient

place, your leg is shaking, your hands

are gripping, your mind is racing,

you're leaning into the next moment.

When you feel that, become

curious about impatience itself.

Drop more deeply into it, which

is going to be counterintuitive.

You'll be frustrated by the

impatience, especially now that

you're trying to not be impatient.

We need to step out of that mentality.

Get out of our heads and into our bodies.

What does this moment feel like?

What are the qualities of impatience?

Where do I feel it in my

hands, my face, my belly?

And as soon as you step out of where

the impatience is trying to get you

and instead drop into the experience

of it itself, well, you're doing

the very opposite of impatience.

So impatience is a refusal or inability

to be with this moment as it is,

then patience is the willingness and

ability to be in this moment as it is.

And that's exactly what you're doing

when you bring curiosity to impatience.

You're willing and able to

be in this moment as it is.

So today, when you find yourself

caught up in those impatient

moments, don't try to get rid of it.

Just connect to it more

deeply, bring curiosity to

it, bring more presence to it.

And in doing so you are

cultivating patience.

We'll explore more of

this in the meditation.

Thank you for your practice.

I'll talk to you soon and take care.

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