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Moving Beyond Shame and Regret

Melli O'Brien



Melli O'Brien



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Moving Beyond Shame and Regret

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness.

Today I'm going to talk about

healing and moving beyond our

past wounds of shame and regret.

So it's really quite easy to get

caught up in mental stories about the

mistakes we've made and the regrets

we have, to get caught up in guilt

and self-judgment from the past.

But if we view our past through the eyes

of mindfulness and compassion, we see

that the reality is, is that we were

doing the best we could at that time.

If we could have been less

reactive, less emotional, more

kind, more skillful, we would have.

If we had known better at the time we

could have done better, but we didn't.

Sometimes we look back and we wish

things could have turned out differently.

And we might have this idea that

because things didn't go the way we

planned, that it was a huge mistake.

But things simply don't always

go the way we want them to.

And we can't always get

every single thing right.

And we certainly can't perfectly predict

all of the consequences of our actions.

And the truth is, is that sometimes

the best way to really learn

something is to get it wrong the

first time or the first few times.

And then in that case,

it's not really a mistake.

It's a learning experience.

It teaches us something about what works

for us in life, how we want to act and

who we would like to be going forward.

So when it comes to these moments

where we go off course, it's of course,

really helpful to reflect on them

for long enough so that we learn not

to repeat the same behavior again.

But wallowing in shame, regret

and self-judgment is not helpful

for us to grow and do better

for ourselves and others.

It really just disempowers us.

It's important to practice self

forgiveness, because the reality is,

is that if we had the understanding,

if we had the self awareness, if

we had the self-control or the

ability to do something different

in that moment, we would have.

We cannot be perfect.

It was simply the fact in that

moment that we didn't have the

skills to react in a different way.

So by forgiving ourselves, we make

room to learn from ourselves and

our past behavior, thereby becoming

more and more able to show up with

kindness, wisdom, and inner strength.

And through this process of seeing

ourselves through the eyes of

understanding, we also come to see that

everyone else is in the same boat as us.

So we can extend them some

forgiveness and compassion too.

So today and the rest of this week,

see if you can move beyond regret,

shame, and guilt, both in yourself

and in the other and invite in

forgiveness, learning and understanding.

So as always, thank you for your

practice and your presence here with us.

And now let settle in

for today's meditation.

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