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Say What You Need

Melli O'Brien



Melli O'Brien



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Say What You Need

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness.

Today, I'm going to talk about the

importance of saying what you need.

So this sounds really simple, right?

Just say what you need, but often we

try to communicate what we need to

someone else it doesn't come out the

way we would have intended it to.

Let's say you've had a long day at work.

You're tired and you're

getting ready to go home.

And then your boss comes and tells

you that he wants a whole bunch

of stuff done by tomorrow morning.

And this is the third time

this week that he's done this.

In that moment, you feel stressed,

you feel frustrated, you feel angry.

So maybe in that moment, you snap rudely

at your boss or you smile politely and

then just do what he wants you to do.

But underneath you're simmering

with anger and resentment.

Now you might hold in this resentment.

You might even talk about the

boss behind his back saying

how rude they are or whatever.

You might even confront him

with criticism or accusation.

But what about this instead, what

if you simply say what you need?

So instead of talking about what

the other person is doing wrong,

just talk about what you need.

So this avoids any sense of criticism,

blame, resentment, or judgment, and

simply just tells this person what

you need to make things better.

So it's always great to talk about your

own feelings and needs using I statements.

For instance, you could say something

like this, when you bring extra work to

me at the end of the day, without notice,

I feel really frustrated and stressed.

And I'm wondering if you'd be willing

to bring things earlier to me so I

don't have to work overtime because I

really need rest and balance in my life.

So by expressing like this, what you

actually need from the other, instead

of what you don't like, or you don't

want, the other person actually has a

chance to understand what's happening

for you and they have an opportunity

to help you and really hear you.

So within every negative emotion

that we have, there's usually

some kind of unfulfilled need.

So if you take the time to find

out what that is for you, then

you can communicate it with care,

with compassion, with mindfulness.

And then you open that

space for understanding,

collaboration and resolution.

Now, this really is a small change

in communication that can make

a huge difference in your life.

So I encourage you to try this out

today, if you get the opportunity.

So today's invitation tune into

your needs and say what you need

and say it with as much compassion,

kindness as you can muster.

As always, thank you for your practice

and your presence here with us.

And now let's settle in

for today's meditation.

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