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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about the difference between a criticism and a complaint. So maybe when you think about a complaint versus a criticism, you think that they're kind of the same thing, but actually there's a huge difference. And being clear on the difference can make a really big difference to all of your relationships in life. So no matter how much you love someone, eventually the people we spend a lot of time with will do something that probably annoys us, right? We all go through this.
But how we handle those moments when someone rubs us up the wrong way can make a huge difference to how harmonious and satisfying our relationships are. Mindful communication here is key. And so what I invite you to try when expressing frustrations with loved ones is to let your complaint be known when needed. And from time to time, it will be needed, but don't criticize. So what's the difference? A criticism is a negative comment that is somewhat of an attack on a person's personality, history, or character.
With criticism, there's really nothing a person can do to help change things. They simply feel judged, blamed, or attacked usually. Complaints, however, are specifically about a person's behavior and that behavior has a specific time and place. So with complaints, there's no attack, but there is a very direct focus on the actual problem that's bothering you. So, an example, let's say you were meeting your partner for a date at a really nice restaurant.
They're late, 20 minutes late and you're hungry. So you're feeling agitated. And let's say, when they arrive, you say something like, you're always late, you're more interested in your work than you are in me. You just don't care anymore. That is a criticism.
It's a comment on someone's character rather than a behavior. A complaint might sound like this, I'm so frustrated right now because you're late. I'm sitting here all alone for 20 minutes. And this is the third time that this has happened on date night. So with this complaint, with any complaint, you're just talking about the behavior that caused you to feel upset without attacking the person.
So with a complaint, what you can do is you just let the other person know how you're feeling, and then describe the behavior that led you to that feeling. So trying to speak in I statements. So I feel this emotion, when this behavior happened. Then you can also ask for the behavior to change. So for instance, in the example, I just gave you, you could add, would you please make an extra effort to turn up to our dates on time? It would really mean a lot to me.
So a criticism usually, if not always, leads to an argument because the other person is going to feel defensive and judged. A complaint speaks clearly about what's bothering you and opens the way for understanding, resolution and change. Today's invitation is this. The next time someone annoys you or frustrates you, just take a pause and see if you can let them know your complaint without criticizing. I really wish you well with this practice.
Thank you for doing this inner and outer work in the world. Let's settle in for today's meditation.
The Difference Between Complaint and Criticism
Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:
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Your default time is based on your progress and is changed automatically as you practice.
Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about the difference between a criticism and a complaint. So maybe when you think about a complaint versus a criticism, you think that they're kind of the same thing, but actually there's a huge difference. And being clear on the difference can make a really big difference to all of your relationships in life. So no matter how much you love someone, eventually the people we spend a lot of time with will do something that probably annoys us, right? We all go through this.
But how we handle those moments when someone rubs us up the wrong way can make a huge difference to how harmonious and satisfying our relationships are. Mindful communication here is key. And so what I invite you to try when expressing frustrations with loved ones is to let your complaint be known when needed. And from time to time, it will be needed, but don't criticize. So what's the difference? A criticism is a negative comment that is somewhat of an attack on a person's personality, history, or character.
With criticism, there's really nothing a person can do to help change things. They simply feel judged, blamed, or attacked usually. Complaints, however, are specifically about a person's behavior and that behavior has a specific time and place. So with complaints, there's no attack, but there is a very direct focus on the actual problem that's bothering you. So, an example, let's say you were meeting your partner for a date at a really nice restaurant.
They're late, 20 minutes late and you're hungry. So you're feeling agitated. And let's say, when they arrive, you say something like, you're always late, you're more interested in your work than you are in me. You just don't care anymore. That is a criticism.
It's a comment on someone's character rather than a behavior. A complaint might sound like this, I'm so frustrated right now because you're late. I'm sitting here all alone for 20 minutes. And this is the third time that this has happened on date night. So with this complaint, with any complaint, you're just talking about the behavior that caused you to feel upset without attacking the person.
So with a complaint, what you can do is you just let the other person know how you're feeling, and then describe the behavior that led you to that feeling. So trying to speak in I statements. So I feel this emotion, when this behavior happened. Then you can also ask for the behavior to change. So for instance, in the example, I just gave you, you could add, would you please make an extra effort to turn up to our dates on time? It would really mean a lot to me.
So a criticism usually, if not always, leads to an argument because the other person is going to feel defensive and judged. A complaint speaks clearly about what's bothering you and opens the way for understanding, resolution and change. Today's invitation is this. The next time someone annoys you or frustrates you, just take a pause and see if you can let them know your complaint without criticizing. I really wish you well with this practice.
Thank you for doing this inner and outer work in the world. Let's settle in for today's meditation.
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Vidyamala’s tips on catching anger as it’s happening or about to happen are great - clear, practical, and doable.
- Vicoir
The little talks before the meditations are priceless. It's like I've found my peeps. The topics, the quotes, the goals—it all makes so much sense to me, things I want to be thinking and learning about. Most importantly, the meditations are kindness-centered, which I love. It feels like a new way to approach meditation.
- Lauren
Incredible, easy to navigate app. I would highly recommend this app to anyone who wishes to reduce stress and anxiety or simply as an aid to improve overall mental health.
- Kirtus
I love how the app gives me pointers to new things to explore.
- Lydia
So calm and soothing. I love the new bundle with Kelly Boys, she’s brilliant!
- EJ
Better than Headspace. I've had the paid version of both apps, and I must say I enjoy this one better.
- Gina, Plus+ Member
Vidyamala’s tips on catching anger as it’s happening or about to happen are great - clear, practical, and doable.
- Vicoir
The little talks before the meditations are priceless. It's like I've found my peeps. The topics, the quotes, the goals—it all makes so much sense to me, things I want to be thinking and learning about. Most importantly, the meditations are kindness-centered, which I love. It feels like a new way to approach meditation.
- Lauren
Incredible, easy to navigate app. I would highly recommend this app to anyone who wishes to reduce stress and anxiety or simply as an aid to improve overall mental health.
- Kirtus
I love how the app gives me pointers to new things to explore.
- Lydia
So calm and soothing. I love the new bundle with Kelly Boys, she’s brilliant!
- EJ
Better than Headspace. I've had the paid version of both apps, and I must say I enjoy this one better.
- Gina, Plus+ Member
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I am very new to meditation, and am so happy that my first introduction to it has been through this app
The first session was fantastic. I feel safe. And supported. Almost like having someone helping me through my difficult time. I’m very grateful for this app.
- Babi
You get a lot of useful tips for handling stress and anxiety in 'real life'.
- Joy
Highly recommend.
- Humanfrst
Kelly Boys is hands down the best. Everytime I click on one of her guided meditations I get excited for the calmness that lies ahead.
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I am very new to meditation, and am so happy that my first introduction to it has been through this app
The first session was fantastic. I feel safe. And supported. Almost like having someone helping me through my difficult time. I’m very grateful for this app.
- Babi
You get a lot of useful tips for handling stress and anxiety in 'real life'.
- Joy
Highly recommend.
- Humanfrst
Kelly Boys is hands down the best. Everytime I click on one of her guided meditations I get excited for the calmness that lies ahead.
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