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The Truth About Closure

Melli O'Brien



Melli O'Brien



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The Truth About Closure

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness.

Today, I'm going to talk about closure.

So sometimes we have certain issues

from our past that we feel like

we haven't quite moved on from.

Something feels a little unresolved.

And we might think that if we can just

get something from another person,

you know, an apology, an explanation,

forgiveness, accountability for what

they did, some actions to make amends,

you know, then we could get closure.

The problem with that, with all

of these, is that these are all

things that we can't control.

But the good news is that that's

okay because closure doesn't

actually involve anyone else.

But you.

A couple of years ago, I had a

falling out with a friend and

I had enormous grief over it.

I didn't feel like I had closure for

a really long time and it consumed me.

I needed her to not hate me.

I needed her to understand.

I needed to say, sorry.

I needed her to say sorry.

I needed her to be

accountable for her actions.

But when none of that was possible,

I felt like I couldn't move on.

After a while I realized how

detrimental, stressful and debilitating

it was to hold on to all of that.

I realized I had to find

my own peace with things.

And I began the process of

finding closure in myself.

What I realized is that closure really

is an inner process and it doesn't really

require anything of the other person.

But I think the most important thing to

realize is that you're not really closing

something, you're healing something.

Although the word closure feels really

convenient, you know, very neat and

tidy and final like closing a door.

The reality is, is that you're

wanting to heal something.

And healing is not so black and white.

Healing's often messy and non-linear.

There are times when we feel

fine and other days where all the

pain resurfaces, and it always

takes longer than we want it to.

But if we can be patient and gentle,

compassionate with ourselves in the

process, instead of trying to push that

door of healing closed, then we can

bring soothing and comfort and love

to ourselves in the middle of it all.

And you know, we're actually likely

to heal much faster this way.

Now some things you could do to

support your healing along the way are

setting healthy boundaries with others.

So that might involve cutting off

communication with someone for a

while to let go of an attachment

or an unhelpful relationship.

It might mean not following people

on social media or asking for what

you need to help you move forward.

Other helpful things you could do,

talk with a friend, a therapist,

and also really put your focus on

embracing the life that you have in

front of you with your whole heart.

You know, maybe trying new hobbies, making

new friends, doing things you really love.

All of this can be really helpful,

but the main thing is to be patient

with yourself, allow healing to happen

step-by-step, and know that you can

still choose to live fully in the

present, even if you're carrying a

little bit of pain from the past.

So as always, thank you for your

practice and your presence here with us.

And now let's settling

for today's meditation.

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