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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness.
Today, I'm going to share a three
step method to stop arguments.
Now we probably all had the
experience of trying to express
how we feel to someone and that
leading to an unintended argument.
We've all been there.
Well, psychologist, author, and
relationship researcher, John
Gottman says that in those times, a
mistake that we often make is that
we start the conversation with what
he calls a harsh startup, which
comes out sounding like basically a
criticism towards the other person.
A harsh startup usually begins with the
word, you, as in, you never pull your
weight around here or you don't even care
what I want or you don't listen to me.
You didn't do the dishes.
So starting a conversation like
this, the other person is very likely
to get defensive and things can
pretty easily escalate into a fight.
In fact, Gottman's research found that
96% of the time, if the discussion
starts with harsh startup, the outcome
of the conversation will usually end
as it began, negative and hostile.
So how can we communicate
more clearly and effectively?
Well, Gottman recommends
using a gentle startup.
You can read more on the gentle startup
in his book, which I highly recommend.
But here today, I'm going to boil it
down to three simple steps that you can
remember and just give these basics a try.
So step one is start with, I feel.
In difficult conversations, start
with I statements instead of
you statements, that way you're
much less likely to be critical.
And if possible, you want to
name the actual emotion you're
feeling in the situation.
So I feel frustrated or I feel sad.
Step two, describe what happens
specifically that led to you feeling that
way, but without making any judgements.
So the first two steps might sound
like this, instead of saying you're so
lazy, you can say, I feel frustrated
because you said you would do the
dishes last night, but you didn't.
Instead of saying you're so bad with
money, you could say, I feel concerned
because the last three weeks you've
spent more than our agreed upon budget.
Right?
A big difference.
And then step three is
to ask for what you need.
So in this step, it's really important
to ask for what you do want from
the other person in positive terms
rather than what you don't want.
So after you say, I feel frustrated
because you said you would do the dishes
last night, but you didn't, then you
can add, I would really appreciate it.
If you could do them today.
When you say, I feel concerned because
the last three weeks you spent more
than our agreed upon budget, you can
then add, would you please stick to
our agreed upon budget from now on?
So step one, I feel.
Step two, describe what
happened without judgment.
Step three, ask for what
you need in positive terms.
Now, of course it goes without saying
that speaking in a polite and kind and
caring way goes a long way to diffusing
any potential arguments, because so
much of our communication is not in the
words, but in the way we speak them.
As Mother Teresa once said, "Kind
words can be short and easy,
but their echoes are endless."
So I encourage you to give the soft start
up a try the next time you find yourself
needing to have a tricky conversation.
As always, thank you for your
practice and your present presidency.
Let's settle in for today's meditation.
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Vidyamala’s tips on catching anger as it’s happening or about to happen are great - clear, practical, and doable.
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The little talks before the meditations are priceless. It's like I've found my peeps. The topics, the quotes, the goals—it all makes so much sense to me, things I want to be thinking and learning about. Most importantly, the meditations are kindness-centered, which I love. It feels like a new way to approach meditation.
- Lauren
Incredible, easy to navigate app. I would highly recommend this app to anyone who wishes to reduce stress and anxiety or simply as an aid to improve overall mental health.
- Kirtus
I love how the app gives me pointers to new things to explore.
- Lydia
So calm and soothing. I love the new bundle with Kelly Boys, she’s brilliant!
- EJ
Better than Headspace. I've had the paid version of both apps, and I must say I enjoy this one better.
- Gina, Plus+ Member
Vidyamala’s tips on catching anger as it’s happening or about to happen are great - clear, practical, and doable.
- Vicoir
The little talks before the meditations are priceless. It's like I've found my peeps. The topics, the quotes, the goals—it all makes so much sense to me, things I want to be thinking and learning about. Most importantly, the meditations are kindness-centered, which I love. It feels like a new way to approach meditation.
- Lauren
Incredible, easy to navigate app. I would highly recommend this app to anyone who wishes to reduce stress and anxiety or simply as an aid to improve overall mental health.
- Kirtus
I love how the app gives me pointers to new things to explore.
- Lydia
So calm and soothing. I love the new bundle with Kelly Boys, she’s brilliant!
- EJ
Better than Headspace. I've had the paid version of both apps, and I must say I enjoy this one better.
- Gina, Plus+ Member
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I am very new to meditation, and am so happy that my first introduction to it has been through this app
The first session was fantastic. I feel safe. And supported. Almost like having someone helping me through my difficult time. I’m very grateful for this app.
- Babi
You get a lot of useful tips for handling stress and anxiety in 'real life'.
- Joy
Highly recommend.
- Humanfrst
Kelly Boys is hands down the best. Everytime I click on one of her guided meditations I get excited for the calmness that lies ahead.
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I am very new to meditation, and am so happy that my first introduction to it has been through this app
The first session was fantastic. I feel safe. And supported. Almost like having someone helping me through my difficult time. I’m very grateful for this app.
- Babi
You get a lot of useful tips for handling stress and anxiety in 'real life'.
- Joy
Highly recommend.
- Humanfrst
Kelly Boys is hands down the best. Everytime I click on one of her guided meditations I get excited for the calmness that lies ahead.
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