Three Steps to Work With Difficult Emotions

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness. Today, I'm going to talk about a three-step process to help you work with difficult emotions. So when we experience painful emotions, often our kind of knee-jerk response is to struggle with those emotions in some way. Or sometimes we just try to ignore them. But we can learn to regulate our emotions more skillfully and also listen to what they may have to teach or show us in these three simple steps.

So when you first feel any kind of difficult emotion, the first thing you want to do is just pause and take one mindful breath in and out just to ground yourself. And then you can use these three steps where you're basically going to finish three sentences. The first one is, I feel. The second one is, I need. And the third one is, I will.

Okay. I feel, I need, I will. So I'll just walk you through this. I feel is where you name the emotion that you're feeling. So here you would say to yourself mentally, I feel sadness, you know, for instance.

I need is here you explore what the potential unmet need is in that moment. So perhaps you feel sadness because you've been in lockdown and you're missing your friends and family. So you would say to yourself in this first, in this step, I need some more connection, maybe. Or maybe you're feeling regret because you had an argument with somebody and you said something you wish you hadn't. So in this step you might say to yourself, I need to make amends.

Or maybe you feel anger because your boss gave you extra work to do, and you're already overloaded. So in this step you might have said to yourself, something like, I need to put better boundaries in place, so I don't get burnt out. Now step three, I will, is an action step that you're going to take towards getting that need met. So for instance, in the case of being sad and missing your family and friends, so you might say to yourself, I will make a zoom call to them tonight. In the case of the regret and the need to make amends, you might say to yourself, I will go to this person and apologize.

In the case of the anger, you know, feeling anger because your boss is giving you too much workload. I need to put better boundaries in place so I don't get burnt out. Then this last step would be, I will say no to my boss the next time he asks me to do more work than I can realistically handle. I'll explain why I don't wish to work overtime. Okay.

So that's the invitation to give this practice a try today and see how it goes for you. The next time you feel a difficult emotion, practice taking one slow, mindful breath, and then using, I feel, I need, I will. When we listen to and respond to our emotions like this, they can really become our teachers and guides. We can use them to help us get clear on how to meet our own needs in ways that help us stay happy, healthy, and strong. As always, thank you for your practice and your presence here with us.

And let's now settle in for today's meditation.