You Can't Practice Non-Attachment

Hey, welcome back to your Daily Mindfulness. In today's session, we're going to talk about non-attachment. A very common refrain I hear from people is Cory, I know the value of being less attached, but how do I do it? How do I practice non-attachment so that I'm not gripping so hard to things being the way I want them to be? How do I practice non-attachment? And my response is usually about what they're looking to hear, but. I don't actually believe we can practice non-attachment. All right.

So we'll just think about it very logically. If you want a piece of cake and you're trying really hard to not want it, well, the trying really hard to not want it isn't going to serve you much, nor will pretending that you don't want it. You might end up convincing yourself that you don't want it, but it doesn't mean that you've cultivated a mind that's non-attached and at peace in relationship to that cake. On some level, you're probably still craving it and wishing you could eat the cake and that's not non-attachment. However, if, instead of trying to be non-attached to the cake, you practice paying very careful attention to how you feel in the moments after eating the cake.

The quick high, the sugar crash, maybe the bellyache or the unsatisfactoriness of good taste just coming and going quickly and not giving permanent joy. Well, when you do that, you're now helping your mind learn that this piece of cake, which we think is bringing us so much, joy might actually be leading to some distress, a little bit of discomfort. Maybe even some suffering, even if just on a subtle level. This approach of learning about the experience, really dropping into the actual elements of the experience and where it might be creating some distress is very different than trying to convince yourself that you don't want something that you really do want. So as you consider cultivating a mind that is more equanimous, more balanced and less attached to having things, or things being a certain way, perhaps instead focus on what it feels like to be attached.

Feel the pain that comes with gripping on to things, things needing to be the same way all the time, wanting to have things. Trying to not be attached as it's still a form of attachment, because now we're wrestling with the very thing we're trying to be at peace with. True non-attachment only comes from the mind's deep understanding that staying attached is causing more suffering. Only when it understands that will it starts to, re start to release its grip, and that's a process that happens organically. So we'll explore some more of this in the meditation.

But as you go throughout your day, try to bring this perspective and awareness into your moments and see how it softens your relationship to the things you most want. I'll talk to you shortly. Until then, take care.