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Your Pain Is Not Wrong

Melli O'Brien



Melli O'Brien



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Your Pain Is Not Wrong

Personalized support for learning how to integrate mindfulness into your life. Delivered fresh everyday by our world renowned experts. Choose meditation duration:

Hi, and welcome to your Daily Mindfulness.

Today, I'm going to talk about a

question that I've often heard from

participants on retreats and courses.

And that question is: why

have I not found peace yet?

There's different versions of this,

but underneath it, there's this sense

of, you know, Hey, I've been working

on my personal growth for years now.

I've been meditating, healing, doing

everything I can to become mindful.

So why am I still experiencing

sadness, fear, stress, struggles?

Why am I not healed yet?

You know, I want to be free.

So the kind of subtext under this

inquiry is this feeling of I'm

here, but I want to be there.

There's a sense too, that the

difficult emotions are wrong.

They shouldn't be happening.

They should be gone by now.

And so I want to speak to this because

that's the real suffering right there.

It's in the word 'still.' So

instead of, you know, I'm really

hurting right now, I'm struggling.

It's, why am I still hurting?

So there's a sense of unkindness, almost

a hostility towards the pain or the sorrow

or the unhealed parts of a person's self.

You know, a resistance to them.

So like imagine if you were in a

house and you said to someone that

was there, why are you still here?

Why are you not gone yet?

You know, that's the kind of

relationship we're having with

ourselves in this scenario.

When we think, you know, why these

emotions, these scars, these doubts,

these imperfections, these longings,

these fearful thoughts, whatever

it is, why are they still here?

We're really being very unkind

to our pains and to our most

tender and wounded parts.

But your pain and your

wounds are not wrong.

They're not mistakes.

They're not a sign of

your failure in any way.

They are perfectly natural part of you.

They're perfectly natural part

of being human and having lived

the life that you've lived.

And to quote Jeff Foster here, you know,

"Your pain and your fears, they're not

asking you to be healed when they arise.

They're they're asking to be held.

Just held in the loving

embrace of your awareness."

So, you know, to go back to that

analogy of being in a house with

someone, instead of why are you still

here, treating your pains and your

wounds like children that you love.

You welcome them into your

house and you give them a safe

and loving space to exist.

So it's not why are you still here.

It's darling, you're welcome here

for as long as you need to be here.

I'm here for you.

I love you just as you are.

I'm not trying to fix or change you.

You belong here, at one with me.

So when you feel anxious, scared,

or sad or wounded, just know

that your pain isn't wrong.

See if you can let go of the need

to be free of it or solve it.

And instead, see if you can

make an intention to meet it

with your loving awareness.

Just softening around it.

Giving it some room to

breathe and belong with you.

If it wants to stay, let it stay.

If it wants to go, let it go.

If it wants to come back again,

letting it come back again.

Treating your pain and your messy

parts with love and acceptance.

That is the true task of awakening.

It's not to fix or perfect ourselves, but

to meet all of ourselves with awareness,

kindness, patience and acceptance.

As always, thank you for your practice

and your presence here with us.

And let's settle in now

for today's meditation.

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