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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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In this talk and meditation, we'll explore a simple strategy to become a more mindful listener.
Hey, welcome.
In this session, we're going to discuss
and practice a mindful listening
technique that you can use in your
parenting and in your relationships.
The capacity to listen well with
curiosity and presence is, in
my opinion, one of the greatest
gifts you can give another person.
It becomes the heart of connection.
And there's something very primal, very
fundamental about being seen and heard.
I mean, think about it in your own life.
The people you know or have known who
feel like they're really there for you.
When you're sharing good news, bad
news, you can feel their presence.
You can feel that they care.
You can feel them listening.
And they respond in a way that is
aligned with what you were saying.
This is the bedrock of
a strong relationship.
But also our capacity to experience
empathy ourselves to another,
or empathy from others to us.
So there's one strategy for
mindful listening that I
perceive as a bit of a hack.
Very easy to implement.
You don't need to do years of meditating.
It's just a simple phrase.
And that is, Listen to
understand, not respond.
Listen, to understand, not respond.
The great thing about this is
that you can try it immediately
in your next conversation.
And it takes us out of our sometimes usual
orientation of what am I going to say
next, or just our usual judgements that
we might bring to a person, especially
our children or intimate partner about
what they mean in what they're saying.
And instead of actually listening,
we're actually caught in our
own story, our own ideas.
So this is a great practice to drop
beneath some of those preconceived
notions and meet the moment to moment
aliveness of the relationship that
is most intimate, and the response
can come organically from there.
It's not like you don't respond at
all, but you're letting the response
come from first understanding.
So let's do some meditation that
can drop us into this curious
understanding listening state.
You can find a posture that
feels comfortable for you.
Inviting your eyes to
close, if that feels okay.
And we'll start by taking a
deep breath to help us ground.
In through the nose.
Slowly out through the mouth.
Inviting the jaw to soften.
Shoulders.
And the belly.
You can let your breath come
back to it's natural rhythm.
And we're just going to spend
some time in awareness, that
is akin to beginner's mind.
Beginner's mind is this childlike
curiosity, the recognition that
we've never seen this moment before.
We don't actually know
what it's all about yet.
And so as you rest here, just notice,
what is it like to be you in this moment?
In this moment.
Not 10 seconds ago, yesterday, a week ago.
Right now, what is it like to be you?
Not trying to change anything.
And even letting go of any judgments
around what you're experiencing.
You're just seeking to
understand what is here.
And we're going to practice taking
this beginner's mind into a scenario
where you're having a conversation,
when this might be most needed.
So think to a recent conversation you had.
This could be with your child or a
partner or someone else, if you prefer.
And it's a conversation where
you felt a little misattuned.
You weren't fully there.
You might've had your own
ideas and judgements about
what should have been done.
So just bring that to mind for a moment.
If you need to pause to
think about this, you can.
And now I just invite you to go
back through the conversation where
they're sharing something with you.
And to imagine listening with
this beginner's mind quality.
Listening to understand, not respond.
And just notice for yourself in
this visualization of what feels
different, what looks different,
how are you listening differently,
and how do you perceive they
might be responding differently.
I'll give you some time in
silence to reflect on this.
Okay, you can bring your attention
to your breath for a few moments.
And even though we've stepped
out of the visualization, it
can still be the same quality of
listening, attunement, listening
to understand rather than respond.
What is it like to listen to
the breathing in that way?
What is this breath like?
Let's take one more deep
breath before we close.
In through the nose.
Out through the mouth.
And when you're ready,
you can open your eyes.
So that is listening to understand
rather than listening to respond.
Remember, this is not
about not responding.
You can still have your opinions.
You can still put up a boundary.
You can still, yeah, offer your thoughts
around I don't think this is right.
But you're doing so from a place of deep
attunement, of really listening, of first
stepping out of your own ideas about
this person and what they should do.
Especially if it's your child or
your partner, where you probably
have a lot of different ideas.
Meeting the aliveness of this being right
now from a place of curiosity, even love.
And then allowing the response
to happen organically.
Does this solve all communication
and listening issues?
No, but it is one of the simple hacks
that I think can take you very far
and it's very easy to implement.
So try this out in your next conversation.
Listen to understand, rather
than listen to respond.
Thank you for your practice.
I'll talk to you soon.
And until next time, take care.
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