In today's episode, we are going to be

talking about the risk of being you.

More to come on that in a moment.

First, let's settle in with

the sound of the bells.

The risk of being you.

This is the title of Chapter Two

of my book, Stop Missing Your Life.

Part One of the book is titled

Why Presence Isn't Easy.

Within that part, there are two chapters.

Chapter One, Being Human Is Hard.

Chapter Two, The Risk of Being You.

Again, these aren't the most

positive uplifting sounding chapters,

but I wanted to start out from

the beginning, acknowledging all

the reasons why experiencing the

fullness of our lives isn't easy.

Right?

It's not so simple as reading a

nice article on mindfulness in

Time Magazine, or simply making

the intention to be present.

Being able to experience deep presence

and access the, the fullness of

our lives, the multitudes within

ourselves, the richness that comes

with being alive, that takes practice.

And it sometimes means

experiencing discomfort on the

way to where you want to go.

And that's why there is a risk to being

you, because we don't always know what

we're going to have to experience on the

journey of becoming more of ourselves

and also getting a lot of the things that

we want that are most meaningful to us.

The story I share at the beginning of

Chapter Two is about a woman who came on

my five day retreat in upstate New York.

And she wanted more than anything

to have more connection in her life,

but she also experienced a tremendous

amount of trauma in her life.

And in her words, she described

all of those traumas as creating

concrete slabs around her heart.

So here she was wanting deep

connection with other people, but

also feeling an inability to connect.

There was a lot of fear around that

connection because it was associated

with earlier in her life, periods where

she wanted that connection and was

supposed to get it from some of the

people that should have offered it the

most, specifically family, but didn't.

And so we learn over time how to protect

ourselves so we don't get hurt again.

And we might want love and connection

more than anything, but the last time

we reached out for that or tried to get

it, it came with rejection, pain, hurt.

So to defend ourselves, what do we do?

Maybe put concrete slabs around our

heart and it's a great defense mechanism.

On the one hand, it keeps us

safe, but as most of us have

experienced, it's not so easy.

We also no longer have access to the

things that we often are most looking for.

In this case, that connection with other

people, which requires a vulnerability,

an opening up, a willingness to be seen.

And although I can't go into the

full story of how this woman worked

through that on the retreat, mainly

because as most of you know, I have

some legal restrictions where I can't

talk about too much of the book.

What I can say is that that story is

about what was required for her to

soften those concrete slabs around

her heart and some of the initial

discomfort that she had to go through

in order for that softening to happen.

So, many of us have a sense of who we

want to become, or at least a general idea

of the person we're trying to grow into.

The things that we imagine in our life,

the quality of our relationships and

the quality of our relationship to

ourself, having full access to the range

of emotions that we can experience,

an openness and honesty with ourselves

and even embodying a, what we might

consider a quality of authenticity.

But a lot of that is hard because

we've had a lifetime of experiences

that have taught us what is safe

to experience and what is not safe.

And the quickest way to explore where

this conditioning impacts you and how

it has developed over time is to just

very clearly think about what are the

things you want, what are the things

you wish you could experience, have,

internally and in the external world.

And then when you think about

moving in that direction, what

sort of pain do you experience?

What comes up that feels like some

sort of wall to getting there?

Whether it's self doubt, literal

tension in the body, a sense of fear.

Whatever that discomfort is, is

the risk of being you that is

required to be felt to some extent

in order to move to the other side.

Now, of course, the book

goes much deeper into this.

And in fact, the whole book is about

developing the inner resources to be

able to hold the fullness of who you are.

But for now, what you can explore is

just where some of those walls might be.

Where does it feel like

a risk to being you?

And bring some awareness to that so that

it's not trapped in your subconscious.

That's the first step here.

So, thanks for staying with me on this.

I know sometimes these

topics can be uncomfortable.

So if you feel some activation in

your body and your mind just know

that that's normal, it's a very

natural part of the process of growth.

And we get activated for different

reasons, but it most often means that some

energy is stirring and that's usually a

good thing, or at least it excites me.

So thanks for your presence.

Take care.