4-Part Communication Tip

This is a simple communication technique that comes from non-violent communication. You can use it when you feel activated or triggered in a relationship, and it feels important to respond to the person, but you want to make sure you don't do it out of reactivity or defensiveness. It's a four-part template that says, when you say this, I feel this, because I need this. Would you be willing to this? What this does is offer direct feedback. When you said this, I felt this.

You're taking ownership over your own experience, and then you're connecting it to a need, which we all have. And then you're making a request at the end so that there can be some intentional action. It might sound like when you say, just figure it out. I feel frustrated because I need to feel like we're on a team. Would you be willing to not turn away from me in those moments? Of course, you can fill this in based on your context and what you know about yourself and the other person, but hopefully this framework helps you respond more intentionally in conflict moments.

Thanks for your practice and take care.