Browse
Top articles
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
00:00
00:00
Duration
This talk discusses the foundations of self-care, including your capacity to stay present to the different layers of your experience, without immediately trying to make them different.
I'm going to talk about why the capacity
to check in, feel, and stay present to
the different layers of your experience,
without immediately trying to make them
different, is the foundation for self-
care, healing, and deep fulfillment.
More to come on that.
First let's settle in with
the sound of the bells.
So, this align that I shared with
you at the beginning of the episode
is actually an idea, not a direct
quote, but close to a direct quote
from my book, Stop Missing Your Life.
I posted them on social media yesterday
and wanted to expound upon it here.
So I'll share it with you again and then
break down the different layers of it.
The quote is, "The capacity to check
in, feel, and stay present to the
different layers of your experience,
without immediately trying to make
them different, is the foundation for
self-care, healing, and deep fulfillment.
The foundation for self-care,
healing, and deep fulfillment.
Let's take a look at that.
So first this capacity to, to check
in, to feel, to stay present to the
different layers of our experience without
immediately trying to make them different.
Notice what you feel in
relationship to that.
Does that resonate on some level?
Do you feel connected to that ability
to be able to check in, to feel, to stay
present to the different layers of your
experience without trying to change it,
without judging it or making it wrong,
but simply holding space and making
contact with this dimension of yourself?
Now, maybe you feel like you
have that capacity to an extent.
And I think all of us do, to
an extent, to check in, to
say, Oh, how's it going, Cory.
What am I feeling right now?
We can stay present to it a little bit.
But I also think we all
have a threshold with that.
There are certain dimensions of
our experience, you know, emotional
experience, or parts of our personality
or insecurities or vulnerabilities,
sadness, grief, or even pleasure, joy.
Some of us cut off our own pleasure.
That's a really common one.
So, how far can we take this to,
to hold, to be present to the
different layers of our experience?
And I would argue that the depth to which
we can take that is directly related
to the depth of our own capacity for
self-care, healing, and deep fulfillment.
And let's break that down a little bit.
So first, self-care.
We' re only going to be able to take
care of ourselves to the extent which
we're able to show up for ourselves.
We won't be able to really understand
what our deeper needs are without
being able to be present to the
deeper layers of our experience.
On the surface level, we might be
aware, okay, I'm hungry right now.
And we can respond to that.
But if we're really disconnected from
our bodies and we've just been working
so hard, like grinding ourselves,
but we're so used to that and so used
to not checking in with ourselves,
like, what do I need right now?
As soon as we slowed down just enough
to maybe be able to sense into that,
into that exhaustion, we might be so
conditioned to not feel that, that
we quickly reverse it and go right
back into what our old pattern was.
Subsequently disconnecting
from ourselves and essentially
disassociating not being present to
those deeper layers of our experience.
And therefore not being able to
take care of those deeper levels,
which is also related to healing.
At least in the context I'm
talking about it here, like
deeper, psychological healing,
emotional healing, dramatic healing.
All of the trauma literature will, will
show that in order for traumatic energy
to start to get released and reintegrated,
it needs a degree of presence.
It, it can't be cast out into
the shadows of our awareness.
It can't get reintegrated
through dissociation.
And a good trauma therapist will
help a person make space for their
experience to move closer to their
experience, the uncomfortable parts of
it to start to feel it and stay present
to it, the intensity of it, so that
the intensity can start to dissipate.
And that's how reintegration happens.
A very basic overview of it, of course,
but starts with this ability to be
present to our experience without
immediately trying to make it different.
And this doesn't have to just
be traumatic experiences.
It could simply be unresolved sadness
that's been lingering beneath the surface,
waiting to be experienced just enough
so that it can finally start to pass.
Or even things like a negative
self-concept that you hold
toward yourself of not being
good enough or not being worthy.
Often the foundation of being able
to shift that is first being able to
be honest with the part of us that
feels that way or the different layers
of ourselves that feel that way, to
hold space for that, with love and
compassion, which is imbued, at least
for me, in a moment of presence.
And then often seemingly miraculously,
that inner voice softens a bit and
our relationship to ourself shifts.
And then how we think about ourselves
starts to shift, all by being able to
stay present to these different layers of
ourselves, different parts of ourselves.
So self-care, healing,
and then deep fulfillment.
Right?
You can have a lot of different
forms of happiness, like happiness
of getting what you want.
That's certainly a form of happiness.
The happiness of pleasure.
That feels good, that sensory
experience can give us a lot of,
well, a certain kind of happiness.
There's also a more substantial, I, I
would argue it's a more substantial,
deeper kind of fulfillment that comes when
we feel deeply okay in our own skin, our
bodies, our minds, our ego as ourselves,
or however you identify yourself.
The more we've made peace with and have
befriended all the different dimensions
of our humanness, the more we start
to experience this really profound
and cozy kind of wholeness where we're
no longer running from ourselves.
And there are many different
layers of running from ourselves.
It's not like you're someone that doesn't
run from yourself or you're someone that's
like totally at peace with yourself.
Like there's such a continuum.
There, there are still parts of myself, a
lot of parts that I'm actively resisting
still and working to make peace with.
Parts that are insecure or parts that
are uncertain, parts that I don't
like as much as other parts of myself.
And my practice is about like sensing
that resistance, making space for like
first being present to the resistance.
Because fighting the resistance is
just another form of resistance.
And then seeing if I can stay
present to whatever's behind it.
The thing that I don't want to be
there, the part that is insecure,
that doesn't have everything figured
out, that wants to be in control,
whatever I might be denying.
And so checking in feeling, stay present,
staying present to those different layers
of my experience, welcoming all of them
in, not necessarily indulging in them, but
just acknowledging their place in, in this
moment, the reality of them being there.
And when we get more comfortable
doing that, something in it's just
starts to let go and we experience the
wholeness of ourselves, the fullness
of ourselves, the parts that we enjoy
and the parts that we resent, but
we no longer resent them as much.
They are, they've been welcomed
in, into the family of who we are.
And I describe it as a coziness.
Cause I don't know any other word to use,
but you just become your own best friend.
It's like you have your own
internal blanket to snuggle into.
And maybe that sounds fluffy or
weak or whatever, but it feels good.
It feels good.
And life is hard enough.
It's enough difficulty out
there, and now people are going
to cause us stress and pain.
If we're adding another layer of
that for ourselves, by constantly
beating ourselves up, fighting our own
experience, it's going to be a bumpy ride.
So I'll say this one more time, the
capacity to check in, feel, and stay
present to the different layers of your
experience without immediately trying to
make them different is the foundation for
self care, healing, and deep fulfillment.
As you go about your day today,
just see if you can practice this.
Checking in, feeling, staying
present to all of who you are.
Notice where you do that easily
and where you have more struggle.
And hopefully this can help a little bit
on your daily journey to practicing human.
Great being with you.
Until then, take care.
Get Unlimited Access
A Mindfulness Plus+ subscription gives you unlimited access to a world of premium mindfulness content.
Email Missing
We couldn’t detect your email with the SSO provider you have selected.We are here to make a positive impact on the world. We never want to sell you something that hasn’t helped you live a better life. That’s why if you’re unhappy with any purchase from us, you have 30 days to get a full refund and your money back.
If you subscribed to Mindfulness Plus+ and are unhappy with your purchase, please get in contact with us within the 30-day period and we’ll refund your purchase.
Learn more about our Mindfulness Guarantee.
Mindfulness
We believe in a world where everybody has access to the life-changing skills of mindfulness.
Private Browsing
Congratulations on taking the first step towards a more mindful life! As a token of our appreciation, we want to offer you an exclusive opportunity to upgrade to Mindfulness Plus+ for a price you won't find anywhere else.
Mindfulness Plus+ is our premium membership that includes everything you need to learn mindfulness and keep practicing throughout all stages of life.
Take this exclusive offer to further your mindfulness skills and experience deeper levels of well-being.
Annual membership
$0
Just a small sample of the life-changing 5-star reviews we get on a daily basis.
Vidyamala’s tips on catching anger as it’s happening or about to happen are great - clear, practical, and doable.
- Vicoir
The little talks before the meditations are priceless. It's like I've found my peeps. The topics, the quotes, the goals—it all makes so much sense to me, things I want to be thinking and learning about. Most importantly, the meditations are kindness-centered, which I love. It feels like a new way to approach meditation.
- Lauren
Incredible, easy to navigate app. I would highly recommend this app to anyone who wishes to reduce stress and anxiety or simply as an aid to improve overall mental health.
- Kirtus
I love how the app gives me pointers to new things to explore.
- Lydia
So calm and soothing. I love the new bundle with Kelly Boys, she’s brilliant!
- EJ
Better than Headspace. I've had the paid version of both apps, and I must say I enjoy this one better.
- Gina, Plus+ Member
I am very new to meditation, and am so happy that my first introduction to it has been through this app
The first session was fantastic. I feel safe. And supported. Almost like having someone helping me through my difficult time. I’m very grateful for this app.
- Babi
You get a lot of useful tips for handling stress and anxiety in 'real life'.
- Joy
Highly recommend.
- Humanfrst
Kelly Boys is hands down the best. Everytime I click on one of her guided meditations I get excited for the calmness that lies ahead.
-
Claim your free access
Create a mindfulness account and we’ll unlock this premium session in your account forever.
7-Days free trial, cancel anytime.
Complete a few quick questions to make your own personalized mindfulness plan.