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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Rhonda offers insights into building friendship with yourself on a regular basis.
Hi, it's Rhonda Magee.
And I've been asked to
answer this question.
How do I become my best friend
when I really don't like myself?
I have to admit that, you know,
I feel a little bit of sadness
when I hear this question.
My heart goes out to you if
you are feeling this right now.
And at the same time, I
completely understand it.
It's very relatable.
I think, I myself have had these moments
when I, you know, didn't like myself.
or I certainly have moments when I can I
feel, like just a part of me that kind of
doesn't, you know, isn't loving to myself.
So again, I don't think we're alone
when we have these kinds of feelings.
So I can say that feeling, this, an
underlying this kind of question, often,
you know, it's, for some of us, it
just might be a fleeting experience.
But for others, there might be some
kind of deeply embedded sense that we,
you know, don't have a lot of worth.
And it might be really, really a kind of
a deep structure that we're working with.
So whatever the degree to which this
is a question that resonates with you,
I want to just invite an opening up to
just a sort of inner, loving friend.
Right?
Frankly, that must be a part
of your experience somewhere,
however, difficult to, to really
be with, or else you wouldn't be
listening to my voice right now.
So please just take a moment to really
recognize this bit of good news.
Again, the fact that you are here now,
listening to my voice is a sign that
something in you knows that this idea
that you don't like yourself is really
just maybe an idea, or maybe it's an
idea that you, some part of you is ready
to let go of and to work on releasing.
It's just a habit of thought that
somehow has taken root in your heart and
mind, this idea, I don't like myself.
But it's one that some part
of you is really ready to
weed out and to begin again.
So what I'm going to share here are
just a couple of ways of working with
this feeling and giving yourself really
a supportive foundation on which to
build a sense of feeling more friendly
to yourself on a regular basis.
So the first thing is just to
see that this feeling, this
thought is just another form.
It's another one of these kinds
of obstacles to meditation
practice and mindfulness.
There are lots of them.
There are a number of standard
hindrances to practicing.
And this one is what's
often called aversion.
Again, another, it's another kind of
resistance to just allowing yourself
to be, to be full of your own presence,
your own worthiness, your own gifts.
And so knowing that these kinds of
hindrances occur to all of us, are
obstacles that, in one way or another,
we're all kind of working with, helps
us to sort of, you know, let go of
the judgment that can come up when we
realize that we are kind of standing
in our own way somehow as we turn
toward the opportunity to practice.
In this case, to practice a
self-compassion and befriending ourselves
.
So I want to invite you then to
explore practicing with working with
this particular kind of aversion.
This way of holding the invitation
to befriend yourself that immediately
causes this kind of allergic reaction.
I don't really like myself.
How can I be my own friend?
So just first pause.
Take a deep breath.
For me, I'm already placing one hand
over the heart because there's such a
tenderness that comes up for me when
I really turn toward this as a, you
know, an actual experience that those,
one or more of many people listening
to my voice right now might be feeling.
And because I know how painful this is,
that hand is already over the heart.
And I would invite you to do the same,
if you're feeling this right now.
So as you explore that this is just one
example, it can feel almost like self
hatred, or just a kind of, you know,
difficulty seeing yourself as your
own best friend, take a deep breath.
And just notice.
This is an example of me pushing
away, being aversive to, resisting an
invitation to see, to be present, to
explore who I am more deeply and to
disrupt the kind of habit of mine that
some part of me is ready to let go of.
Once you can see this in yourself, see
that this is just one of a number of
common ways that we as humans actually
latch on to, habits of mind and habits
of thought that create more suffering
than any one of us really deserves.
Once you see that in yourself, you
might smilingly let go of judgment
about it, but with a kind of openness
to being, you know, aware of your
own humanity, to this extent.
Just invite working with this
particular hindrance with a
practice called loving kindness.
Now this is a practice that I
introduce quite frequently in my work.
It's a core practice for cultivating
more of this capacity to meet
our own suffering with love.
So a short version of the
practice, which I'm just going
to offer here in an introductory
sense, invites, yeah, pausing.
So if you'll do this with me right now.
Pause.
Feel.
Haa.
The sense of the in-breath.
The out-breath, wherever
you happen to be right now.
Just take a cleansing breath and feel
the ground beneath you as a support.
And then just rest in the in-breath and
the out-breath, just for a few moments.
Then feeling this hand over the
heart, maybe the other hand, just
over the, so part of the belly,
just beneath the belly button.
Really important nerve center there
where we feel deeply our intuition.
So just resting with these, our
hands, perhaps on these important
points of, of energy in the body.
In ways that my students sometimes
say this is like giving ourselves a
hug, but just breathing in and out.
Resting with the feeling of these,
our own hands, your own beautiful
hands, your loving hands on these
beautiful parts of your own body.
So now from this place of pausing and
gently offering support and love to
yourself, call to mind someone from whom
you've already felt love and support.
So this is a kind of shift
into a visualization practice.
So you might imagine being with
that person right now, or perhaps
feeling their hand in yours.
And on the next in breath, as you breathe
in, really see if you can breathe in more
of the sense of the felt sense of being
in that person's presence, the warmth.
The acceptance, the love.
And on the next out-breath, imagine
that you're offering to that person
around whom you felt this natural
kind of friendliness and acceptance.
Imagine offering to that person
the wish for their own wellbeing,
kindness, self care, and compassion.
And you could, if you want,
repeat this phrase silently.
As if you're offering it to this person.
May you be filled with loving kindness.
May you be well.
May you be safe.
May you be at ease.
If you're like me, there might be
a smile coming on your face as you
imagine offering this to this person
who has been a source of love,
kindness, friendship in your own life.
And now, the invitation is to turn
those same, very loving, gentle
phrases and invite the willingness
to offer them to ourselves.
And this, again might be more or less
difficult, if we really are struggling
with feelings of unworthiness or the
sense that we don't like ourselves.
But just see if you can bake it right
now just a little bit and just give
up the resistance and just experiment
with this phrase, offering these same
gentle phrases toward yourself now.
And you could imagine yourself right here,
right now as you are, or if it helps,
imagining yourself as an infant, totally
innocent, totally deserving of love.
Or at some prior point where you would
have really benefited from a friend.
So the invitation here is to offer that
friendliness to yourself, as best you can,
by offering those same gentle phrases.
May you be filled with loving kindness.
May you be at ease.
May you be safe.
Offering those gentle phrases
right to yourself right now.
Now it may seem a little unnatural
or unusual for you, but pausing and
offering phrases like this to yourself
may be just what you need to begin
to actually feel more softness, more
kindness, more love towards yourself.
Start just like this.
Repeat this phrase.
May I be filled with loving kindness.
May I be well.
May I be safe.
Offering this kind of love to yourself
with a gesture perhaps of a hand
over the heart, your own heart.
Just see if doing so might began to help
reset the foundation, your foundation
for this shift, this mind shift toward
being able to be your own best friend.
Keep up these simple gentle practices
as frequently as you can, certainly
on a daily basis, just as a period
of, just for a period of time, just
to see what might be the benefit for
you of engaging in these intentionally
loving practices for yourself.
It might take awhile, but if you're
like me, over time, you will feel just
a little bit more kind to yourself and
deserving of your own loving friendship.
I wish you much support on your journey.
Be kind and gentle to yourself from here.
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