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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Rhonda shares powerful insights for working with resistance to self-compassion.
Hi, this is Rhonda Magee.
I've been asked to answer this question.
When I practice self-compassion,
I feel resistance.
How do I work with this?
Well, I really appreciate this question
because if you're feeling this, I
can assure you, you're not alone.
I know for myself that the idea
of being compassionate to myself,
just simply didn't come easily.
I wasn't really raised or
trained to know how to meet my
own suffering with kindness.
So I know what it's like to feel a little
resistant to the idea of self-compassion.
And I can certainly imagine that,
that kind of resistance would make
practicing it a little more challenging.
But here's what I want to share with you.
This sense of resistance, this kind of
pushing away or aversion to the idea, this
is an example of what is traditionally
known in my mindfulness-based
psychological circles as a kind of
obstacle to self-liberation and more ease.
It's an obstacle to mindfulness.
So there are many ways to work with this.
In fact, there ways to work with this
kind of obstacle or hindrance or any of
the many other kinds of obstacles that
get in the way of practicing mindfulness.
So right now, I'm just going to highlight
one of those ways of bringing mindfulness
right into support just working with
the resistance we might feel to starting
a regular practice of self-compassion.
This particular mindfulness-based tool
or support is called the RAIN practice.
And it's something I lean
into again and again.
So if you work with me or read any of my
writings, you'll see a reference to this
mindfulness teaching tool called RAIN.
And it's an acronym that stands
for recognize, accept, investigate,
with non-identification.
R A I N.
So I'm going to just briefly step
you through the four steps of this
RAIN practice as an example of, you
know, how you can work with whatever
resistance might be coming up to
the idea of bringing self-compassion
practice right into your, your world.
So first, we start with R, recognize.
And so with that, we just
take in a deep breath.
And naming or recognizing,
yes, this is resistance.
This is what resistance feels like.
And the very next step then,
once we acknowledge this is what
we're up against, is A, accept.
And by accept, we mean, accept just for
this moment, as we're trying to learn a
little bit more about what's up for us.
And even as we do so, you can already
see it's inviting a kind of compassionate
embrace of your own experience.
So you're accepting it and not going to
war with what you're feeling or thinking.
But then you move from the A of
accept to the I of investigate.
And with investigation, we're just
opening up to exploring what's
here to be known about this right
now, for example, resistance.
What might be some of the emotions
tied to the feeling of resistance?
Or bodily sensations, where we feel,
where in this body are you feeling, in
your body, are you feeling resistance?
And so as we identify sensations
in the body, emotions, and also
thoughts, what are some of the
thoughts that get in the way of saying
yes to be more self-compassionate.
It could be something about, you
know, some feeling that to have to
practice self-compassion seems almost
by itself to be sort of selfish.
Or, you know, like some sort of a
privilege or luxury that you can't afford
given, for example, all the difficulty
that other people are feeling right now.
That's just one example of the kind of
thought that as you investigate with this
RAIN practice, you might uncover, and as
you see it, you might again just accept,
this is a thought that you're having.
Breathing in and out.
Just noticing, these are just thoughts.
They're not necessarily the full truth.
They're not necessarily to be clung to.
In fact, we might imagine
thoughts like clouds rolling
across the sky of the brain.
And imagine allow, allowing them to just
roll on by as a cloud would across the
sky, rather than being something you
have to attach to defend, identify with.
And so that brings us to the
last letter of the RAIN practice,
R A I N, non identification.
So just as we might notice thoughts,
notice emotions that come up, sadness,
whatever it might be, and imagine
them rolling on by and letting
go and breathing in and breathing
out, seeing what else is here.
We're doing, as we do that, we're
practicing non identification.
We're not identifying and making a
new sense of self out of what we see.
We're not clinging to the idea,
oh, I am the person who's just
not able to feel self compassion.
Again, what we're experimenting
with is moving through the moments
of our lives, recognizing what we
see, not getting stuck in them.
And from that place of more fluid
ease, we're able to experience more
of our own power, really, to meet the
moments of our lives with whatever
skillfulness we're able to bring to
bear, and then to deepen our capacity
for skillful engagement as we go.
So thank you so much for practicing
with me, experimenting together
a little bit, as you might have
been walking through those steps
of RAIN with me in this moment.
I wish you well as you work on
bringing more love and care to the very
tender parts of you that might resist
bringing love and self-compassion right
intentionally into your own journey.
Remember, just opening up even a
little bit to the possibility of
being more compassionate to yourself,
that right there is an example
of practicing with resistance.
So don't get stuck.
Don't strain.
Just keep moving through with that
fluidity that is the, the core practice
of mindfulness and equanimity that
can really be a support for you as
you continue the journey from here.
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