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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Do you ever feel like you don't have the energy to be resilient? Kelly shares two powerful mindfulness-based pointers.
Hi, it's Kelly Boys here.
I've been asked to answer the
question: what if I don't have
the energy to be resilient?
I'm grateful for this question
and I can really relate to it.
There are plenty of times in my life that
I felt like I don't have the energy to be
resilient in the ways that I'd like to.
And I want to share two pointers that
have really helped me and I've also seen
help others with this question around
not having enough energy to be resilient.
The first pointer I'd like to offer
is you can take the pressure off of
yourself and you actually don't have
to have the energy to be resilient.
So this might sound funny, but
for me, it's held up as true.
When I pressure myself to be a
different way than I actually am,
you know, maybe I'm overwhelmed or
exhausted or I'm stressed out, I
actually add to my lack of resilience
because now I'm feeling like I'm not
living up to how I think I should be.
I'm adding pressure to myself.
So how do you take the pressure off?
Well, you acknowledge how things
actually are, and this can be done using
the tool of mindful self-awareness.
So you might say something like,
wow, I am feeling the complete
opposite of resilient right now.
I actually want to run and hide under
a rock instead of facing the world.
So if you take a moment and actually
notice, as you acknowledge what's present
in your experience, you know, how it
feels not to feel resilient, how it
feels to want to hide from the world.
You know, you'll feel it in your
body, your mind, your spirit,
and this is totally acceptable.
It's a natural feeling and it's
very important to acknowledge.
When we acknowledge how we
actually feel instead of pressuring
ourselves to be different, we
paradoxically gain resilience.
I have found this in my experience.
Just recently, after a sudden move
amidst the global pandemic that is
happening, I found myself for a number
of reasons feeling under resourced.
And for me, it was acknowledging
that I felt under-resourced that
allowed me to rest and repair and
then come back with resilience.
So there's no idealized version
of resilience and it comes in
different shapes and sizes.
And it actually has a lot to do
with our own willingness to face the
moment as it is, and to find creative
solutions to what we're experiencing.
Sometimes that might mean doing some
radical form of self-care and actually
taking time to go under a rock and
be away from the world to rest.
You know, stress is natural.
And when we have these moments
of rest and repair, our bodies
are pretty darn resilient.
And I think for myself, if I had pushed
through in order to be some idealized
version of resilient, I would have
gotten actually more strung out and
more under-resourced and I know this.
So instead I acknowledged how
things actually are, and that
helped me to be more resilient.
So I hope that can help you as well.
The second pointer I want to share,
it's a tool called the four Ps.
This is really helpful for me.
So I'm hoping it's helpful for you.
Most of these were developed by
psychologist, Martin Seligman.
And so it goes like this, say you
have a pattern in your life that keeps
repeating and it's gotten you down.
The question is what are you believing?
It turns out that if we have a
low resilience mindset, we're
typically stuck in the four Ps.
The four Ps go something like this.
This is pervasive.
It's happening everywhere in my life.
This is permanent.
It's all the time and it's
never going to change.
Sound familiar?
This is personal.
It reflects on my personal
identity and who I am as a person.
Lastly, there is no potential to learn.
I'm giving up.
I'm sure we've all been here.
And the tool that I'd like to share is
when we seek to have a high resilience
mindset rather than low resilience,
we find the opposite to be true.
So when we question ourselves with these
four Ps, we can find a new truer story.
Say we have just repeated some pattern.
A high resilience mindset
compared to the low resilience
would say using the same four Ps.
Well, this isn't pervasive.
It's only happening in this
one scenario in my work.
And it's also not permanent.
I'll have another chance
to do it differently.
It may have failed in my
estimation, but it's not personal.
There were a number of factors
involved and I'm not a failure.
I just had a failure.
Lastly, there is a major
potential to learn here.
I am excited that I can, you know, lean
into this and learn to act outside of
these patterns that I've done in the past.
It's a growth opportunity.
For me, I had a pretty big work
failure at one point in my life.
In fact, I've had several.
And using the four Ps, I was able to
take the learning and create something
really special for the next project.
And even the micro failures that
I had in that next project, I
took us learnings for the future.
So of course they still hurt.
They don't feel good.
But it didn't get me at an identity level.
And I felt really willing
to risk, to play, to create.
And I knew it wasn't going
to be personal if I failed.
So when we don't have the energy to be
resilient, we want to check our mindset.
What are we believing?
So use these four Ps and check in, and
this can make a huge difference in your
level of energy and your engagement
to your life and your resilience.
Thank you for your practice.
And I wish you well, as you work with
the four Ps and also work with taking
pressure off yourself from being some
kind of idealized form of resilient.
So remember today to be gentle.
You see the beauty around you and
most importantly, be kind to yourself.
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