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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Do you ever struggle with feeling positive? Kelly offers two helpful perspectives that have helped herself and her clients.
Hi, it's Kelly Boys here.
I've been asked to answer
the question: What if I'm
struggling with being positive?
I'm really grateful for this question
and I can definitely relate to it.
And this is one key place I've
seen clients and students get stuck
on their journey with meditation.
I want to share two pointers that
are helpful around this question of
the struggle to be more positive.
The first pointer I like to offer is
that struggling with being positive
is an invitation actually to look at
the part of you that is struggling,
rather than a sign that something is
wrong or bad with the way you're being.
We like to move toward what we think
will make us appear or feel better.
And often on the path of meditation,
it can appear that people who really
get it are just positive and happy.
So we move toward that too.
But actually that's not the case.
I'd say people who have been deep in
the work of meditation actually have
learned to be with their experience as
it is, including the part of themselves
that wants to be more positive.
So the pointer here is that real
aliveness is in meeting the struggle
to be different than you are.
What does that struggle show you?
For instance, a sense of discontentment
or dissatisfaction, maybe you're feeling
down or pessimistic or unhappy, and you
feel like if you're positive enough,
your difficult feelings will go away.
And honestly, I've never seen that
work because trying to be positive,
just covers over these very real
and valid feelings that we have,
and they tend to resurface again and
again, to be met, to be acknowledged.
It's like if a kid comes to you and says,
they feel bad and you look at the kid and
say, why can't you just be more positive?
They will feel shame, right?
They'll feel unseen by you.
So if you actually say to
the kid, Oh, you feel bad.
That must be hard.
And acknowledge what they're
feeling, they'll often
paradoxically feel more positive.
They'll feel better.
So the way to look at this is to
meet what is here on its own terms.
This is the work in
the path of meditation.
Now once you do that, you're no longer
fused with the sadness, the unhappiness,
the discontentment, but rather you're
being intimate with it in a conversation.
You're being in connection
with what's present rather than
trying to be somewhere else.
You really in listening with yourself.
This is the profound work of
meditation, and it's what can bring
more positive feelings like contentment,
wellbeing, equanimity, happiness.
It's a real joy not to be in
struggle against yourself, you know?
And it's incredible how much tension
can release and how much happiness can
appear in the dropping of the struggle.
The second pointer is that sometimes
it's true, we actually could use a
little more perspective and gratefulness
to bring in a sense of positivity
because the negativity bias in our
brain helps us look for threat, look for
difficulty, and we can end up obsessing
on what is wrong or bad in our lives.
So think of a time that you spoke in
public or had to give a presentation to
colleagues, or you need to give a response
about something important to your family.
Did you focus on how great it
was going to go or did your
negativity bias come into play?
You know, the negativity bias
helps us scan for all the ways
something can go wrong, basically.
And then we can obsessively focus
on the negative as we try to prepare
for this presentation or response
to our family, mapping out all
of these catastrophic scenarios.
So it's true.
Sometimes we can get stuck
in a loop in our minds.
You know, even if we don't have an
event that's going to put us on the
spot, we still can get stuck in this
kind of negativity bias loop, where
we're not feeling very positive.
And one way to counteract this brain
wiring is to widen your perspective
and consider the whole of your life.
So this one moment where you're
struggling to be more positive
is one moment within a series of
moments that is called your life.
And if you close your eyes for a moment,
maybe take a deep breath, exhale, and
then open your eyes again, looking
around you, look as if you have new eyes.
And perhaps name two things
that you're grateful for.
Something simple, like the sunshine
or a cold drink in your hand.
And let this larger perspective run
the show for this moment, rather than
this kind of prehistoric brain wiring
that we have with the negativity bias.
And then, you know, live your whole
day in this way, your whole week
in this way, and see what happens.
Thank you for your practice.
And I wish you well, as you look
at this topic, remember today to be
gentle and see the beauty around you.
And most importantly, be kind to yourself.
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