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How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
How to Meditate: Meditation 101 for Beginners
10 Science-Backed Benefits of Meditation
What is Meditation?
Benefits of Mindfulness: Mindful Living Can Change Your Life
Mindfulness 101: A Beginner's Guide
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Mark reflects on the power of being motivated by inspiration and purpose rather than shame and criticism.
Hello, it's Mark Coleman here.
And I've been asked to answer
the question, what if I feel
like my inner critic helps me
succeed in the world, is that bad?
So thank you for that question.
I think it's a really important and
common one because many of us feel,
and many students I talk to feel,
like if I didn't have a critic, if
there wasn't something nagging me,
bashing me, cajoling me, bullying me, I
wouldn't get out of bed in the morning.
I wouldn't work so hard.
I wouldn't get anything done.
My house would be a mess.
The dishes would be piling up in the sink.
I wouldn't be such a good parent.
I wouldn't be taking care of the
things I need to take care of.
That without that voice,
I'd be lazy, I'd be a slob.
I wouldn't get anything done.
I wouldn't care about anything.
So I often hear from students, oh
the critic is what gets me motivated.
And I think that can
be true to some extent.
And I can look back at my own life
and see, Oh yeah, that voice at times
had a place in cajoling me or guilting
me or pressuring me to do something.
And I can think about something as
simple as cleaning my house and how
the critic would often have a lot
of thoughts and ideas and judgements
about how the house should be.
How clean it should be,
how tidy it should be.
And this is a small example, but I think
it's indicative of how the critic works.
And so sometimes when I was living alone
and I'd wake up and the kitchen was a
mess, the dishes unwashed, or the house
disorderly, my critic would have a lot of
ideas about that and judgments and views.
What if somebody comes over?
What if people knew you
were living like this?
Sometimes I could hear my parents'
voice, you know, as if I was
still a teenager being told to
pick up my clothes and whatever.
The problem with listening to the
critic, as I've talked a little
about in the course even though it
can seem like it's motivating us,
usually by judging or pushing or
bullying, being a bit of a taskmaster
or a tyrant as some people call it.
When we listen to that voice, when we're
motivated by that voice of judgment, it's
usually pushing us in a way where we do
those things, but we feel contracted.
We feel pushed, we feel compelled, and
there's often a tinge of fear in it.
Fear of the critics, wrath, fear
of disappointing the judge or
whoever the judge represents.
And the main thing is that each time
we listen to the critic, each time we
give it's words value and importance,
we strengthen that mechanism.
And as I've discussed the critic,
not just judges us, in my case for
having a messy house or not doing the
dishes, but it also has an implication.
If you don't do those things, if
you fail, if you don't follow my
words, therefore you're a failure.
You're hopeless, you're
worthless, you don't have value.
And so the more that we listen to and
give the time of day to the critic,
the more we put our fundamental
value and worth on the line.
And you might want to ask yourself
as I did, do I want to have my
judge, my critic evaluating whether
I'm worthy as a human being?
And yes, maybe I can be successful and
do certain things, but the problem with
that, if it's motivated by the critic, if
you don't succeed, if you don't do those
things, if you don't achieve what you
intended to achieve, then the critic, you
can be sure, we'll let you know about it
with judgment, with shame, with criticism.
And so we need to find within
ourselves much more healthier,
kinder, more wholesome motivations.
For example, when I remember that I
actually really enjoy living in a tidy
house, when I remember I really enjoy
waking up in the morning, making my
cup of tea and the kitchen's already
clean, then that becomes a motivation
for me to do the dishes at night.
Not that I should, not that I'm a slob
if I don't, but because I actually
really enjoy waking up to a tidy kitchen.
I really enjoy having
some order in the house.
It's more restful.
So that becomes a healthier motivation.
In the same way during this period of
the pandemic and I'd lost a lot of work.
A lot of my schedule got canceled
and I had quite a bit of free time
and very little income coming in.
And my critic, you know, could very
easily have a lot to say about that.
Why don't you work harder?
Why don't you hustle?
Why don't you try and
generate more work and income?
And I could listen to that voice because
it has a point of view, but it's not
where I want to be motivated from.
I want to be motivated from inspiration,
from passion, from purpose, from meaning.
And so I began to reflect about, well what
do I have to offer during this pandemic?
Well, I'm a meditation teacher
and been teaching a long time.
People need support.
They need courses and
teachings and classes.
And so I began to generate work from
a place of inspiration and service and
helping rather than I should, because I
don't have money and blah, blah, blah.
And so that became a much healthier,
more wholesome form of motivation.
One that doesn't have at the end result
if I fail to achieve what I set out,
doesn't have judgment and blame from
the critic coming quickly on its heels.
So you need to ask yourself what
other sources of motive mo,tivation
do I have other than judging myself
other than beating myself up.
Other than listening to a tyrant or bully.
What inspires you?
What deeper place of motivation can
move you to make action, to engage
in the world, to listen, to purpose
and meaning, and what really is
important to you and let that wholesome
motivation inspire you to act.
So thank you for this question.
It's really important that we learn to
notice where our motivation's coming from,
how we, how we encourage ourselves to
succeed and excel, not through criticism
and judging, but through inspiration,
through a more healthy motivation.
So I wish you well with reflecting on
this theme, what allows you to succeed?
What allows you to take
positive action in the world?
And again, remembering to be
kind and gentle with yourself.
Please enjoy your practice.
Thank you.
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